Month: October 2021

Becoming a Better Version of Myself

Published on by KC3 Comments

I was having a conversation the other day with my mom, who is 79 years old this year. She said something to me that really got me thinking. She stated that one of my most endearing qualities was that throughout my entire life, no matter what was going on, I always tried to improve myself.

I have been thinking about this since she said it and looking back on my life, didn’t find that to be a quality so much, as it was just part of who I am.

I have certainly made my fair share of mistakes, side-steps, and occasional bad choices, but I do like the idea that no matter what, I did try to learn from them and through them become a better person.

Often times in our youth, especially if we have had any kind of trauma, we plow through each situation just to get to the end of it, so we can put it behind us. I personally have discovered this doesn’t always work like we pretend it does.  If anything, it often felt like I may have reached the end of something, but only scooped it up and placed it in the imaginary backpack I carried for so many years! The bag no one ever saw, but weighted me down on so many levels even more than I could have ever imagined.

There are those defining moments in life, at least for me when I finally threw down that pack, turned it upside down and shook everything out, so that I could sort through it and banish once and for all what no longer served me in order to become a better version of myself.

Share your defining moments! When did you finally open up your backpack and sort through the stuff inside?

Blessings to you!

Copyright©2021-The Splendor of it all

THE SEARCH

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The search to find out where we as individuals fit into the big picture is a daunting one to say the least.

You may feel unhappy or dissatisfied with your life. You may wonder what is real, what is not real about your purpose in life. Do I even have a purpose? If so, what could it possibly be?

You may be of an age where you’re looking behind you and realizing that wasn’t the life you had intended, but that’s what it is and there ya have it and now that you’re halfway through it believe whole heartedly– it’s too late.

You may be young and have your whole life in front of you and still have no clue where to even begin?

If you feel or have felt any of the above – I can tell you from personal experience, no matter what point in life you find yourself – IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!

I no longer think about life in a linear fashion. I do not believe that this gift of life is a straight line – you know the typical cradle to death scenario which has been ingrained into our psyche since the beginning.

I have previously mentioned a bit about my life, but what I have left unsaid to this point is that even in the darkest hours of my life, two things have always remained constant from a very early age; the first is that I always felt deep inside that there was something bigger than myself out there and the second, I innately knew that no matter what happened, everything was going to be ok.

These two things remained during homelessness, addiction, broken marriage, and a self-destructive nature I had no understanding of at the time.

I can also say that because of those feelings that remained constant within me, I was always trying to better myself, not to fulfill optics for others, but I was searching for something – of course I had no idea what that something was until a few years ago – I was searching for me.

Now, this is where the first five paragraphs of this post come into play. We are searching for who we are and trying desperately to understand how we fit into this tidy puzzle called life – a life defined by others.

WE DON’T FIT – EACH OF US ARE UNIQUE – SO HOW CAN WE FIT INTO A MOLD CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE  – Think square peg into a round hole – Simply doesn’t work and if you force it, it will change the structures into something else.

Blessings to you!

Copyright©2021-The Splendor of it all

We Are Enough!

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We are in such times, that it is more important than ever, to understand that we are enough.

I have lived my life up until a few years ago, with the feeling of never being good enough. The yard sticks by which my life had been measured, I now realize were false and absolutely ridiculous, but of course it took me nearly a lifetime to understand that those measurements were created by someone other than myself. 

The programming that started for each and every one of us the moment we came into being, combined with the expectation of others, society and even our parents were always and forever their projections onto us, but were never US. 

The desire to be perfect…perfect children, perfect students, perfect employees, and perfect parents didn’t do me any good at all! I finally came to understand this was all an illusion and with that of course, came the heart breaking  knowledge that I had been set up for failure from the word go. 

I will admit that I was one of those people who spent a good part of my early life blaming everyone else for those failures. I can say from experience, this anger, constant feeling of inadequacy, and the desire to please others, genuinely held me back from finding my true self. I felt if I pleased everyone else it would all be alright and through that mindset, lost track of my individuality.

An example of this would be blaming my father for abandoning me after my parents divorced when I was five years old. Then I blamed my mother whom I felt emotionally abandoned by, because she lived a life of illness that started in her youth and followed her relentlessly throughout her life in one form or another. 

Through the years I slowly began to understand that we all have struggles, some seen and many unseen. Once I released the emotions, the distorting fog lifted and I could see things quit differently! I saw that she is the strongest person I have ever known and worked against every obstacle to keep us together, all the while making sacrifices I could never have imagined to keep me safe and instill some sense of normalcy in our otherwise, chaotic life.

When I first became aware of this life altering realization, I was overwhelmed to say the least. It took years to accept responsibility for my own thoughts, emotional reactions, and feelings. I had lived a life where my emotions ruled everything I did. Often times those out of control emotions led me to make choices a secure, emotionally mature – clear thinking person would never make. 

Facing yourself and asking the question “Who am I really” opens up the opportunity to explore yourself quietly from within. What we find inside is most certainly uncomfortable, but as we grow to understand that we are enough – the veil slowly lifts and we can see, feel and explore the world in a new way.

My big take away was that while anger, frustration, and insecurity ruled my life, there was no room for love, compassion, gratitude, or forgiveness.

Please feel free to share your moments of awakening. You never know who’s life you may touch along the way.

Blessing to you!

Copyright©2021-The Splendor of it all

Taking Responsibility

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I have often been surprised in my life at just how few people I have met who actually take responsibility for their lives.

As I turn the corner on fifty-three years, I can look back and honestly say I have not always done so. It was always easier to blame someone else for all the miserable things that happened or the good things that never came my way.

A simple example is this: “If someone had done this or that I would have been a better person.” Or perhaps this one “If I had had different parents, I would have done something more with my life.”

No, actually it’s OUR fault we didn’t succeed! We are all born with the gift of CHOICE. We can choose to go right or left. We may not always be satisfied with the outcome, but we chose it and thereby must live with whatever consequences come from that decision. Good or Bad!

I will admit that like so many people, I too was a product of a dysfunctional home. Father left when I was five, my mother was sick and had serious addiction problems. There I said it out loud! Whew…Feels good, but I still cannot blame everything on their bad behavior.

Harsh words I know…It took me a VERY long time to accept this alternate reality. Being so much more aware now than I was twenty some odd years ago, I have to stand up and say, Yup that was all me. Once I did this, a great weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It was like a black veil had been pulled away from my face and I could now begin living the life I knew I was destined for all along.

Anyone can wake from their slumber. It just takes a certain commitment to let go. I have not spent countless hours or thousands of dollars on psychiatric care. Actually, the few times I attempted this type of therapy, they only ever wanted to write me a prescription and send me on my way. That simply wasn’t for me. However, let me be very clear here, I am in no way endorsing self medication and if you have serious problems, please seek professional help. This is my experience and I was able to come through by applying a little common sense and will-power.

I want to inspire anyone who is willing to take that leap of faith. I want to help everyone I can to regain their sense of self worth. We are all capable of so much. Most of us don’t even know it. It’s simply never too late to awaken!

Blessing to you!

Here are a couple of my favorite bits of reading material on how to release and let go.

The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle

Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping

Copyright © 2021 – The Splendor of it all

LATE BLOOMER – The Awakening Begins

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It seems kind of strange to open up and share with the world ones personal journey to enlightenment. At the tender age of 54, I feel as if my life has begun anew and the path to a higher understanding is close at hand.

I have always felt that there was something missing in my life. As the years progressed I realized that it was ‘Me’ that was missing. My very soul’s essence had been buried deep within for so long and the thought of allowing it to surface was absolutely terrifying.

If you’re like me, you’re in your early fifties and have recently discovered that you have more than likely spent a good portion of your life trying to please others. Of course, this is where the term ‘late bloomer’ comes in. In my opinion, it makes absolutely no difference whether it’s late or not. The simple fact that it arrived at all…means we’re the wiser for it.

All that knowledge we have been saving up inside, is finally ready to burst from within and hopefully, will guide us through the best years of our lives. They had better be the best years, because what I personally have left behind may have taught me a lot, but didn’t bring much joy or happiness.

It’s time to cash in on that lotto ticket folks! Watch out world…They finally let me out of my cage and I will never go back! Freedom…it’s sweet and I am forever grateful to the Universe for opening that door and allowing me to step through into the light.

OK…so that may be a little over-the-top, but it’s how I feel and hopefully you do to if you’re like me. Every single moment we have left needs to be appreciated and cherished. As I get older, I am constantly reminded by the ever increasing funeral invites I receive, that we simply don’t know when our time may come. I personally don’t want to arrive upstairs with the idea that I left something unfinished. I want to write that bucket list now and give myself a jump start at completing it.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not confusing my awakening to a mid-life crisis, quite the opposite in fact. How do I know? Because I had my life crisis when I turned thirty and found myself suddenly divorced and on my own with a three year old. That will get you every time. I just thank the God’s that I didn’t have more children when my world came crashing in. I am certain that I would have spent some serious time in the state hospital…compliments of welfare of course. So, kudos to all of you out there who manage with far less and do it without drugs or alcohol as a crutch.

This is the first day of the rest of my life and I don’t plan on wasting a single second! How about you? What can you change to make your days more manageable? I would love to hear from anyone out there about your experiences of awakening. Was it sudden or gradual? Are you able to laugh off those frustrating moments with a smile or are you stuck in frown mode? Can you find one or more things each day that makes you so grateful that you speak it out loud to yourself or even share it with someone else? Think about it…It takes more energy to be angry than it does to be happy!

Blessings to you!

Copyright© 2021 – The Splendor of it all

Moments of Vision

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The times we live in now are filled with much questioning and confusion, which offers up the perfect opportunity to take a moment to reflect on who we are, what type of people do we strive to be, and what world do we want to be a part of.

Reflection is never an easy under taking, but often times it forces us to separate the false identity from the true spirit and align one’s self to a deeper reality within.

Moments Of Vision

by Thomas Hardy

That mirror
Which makes of men a transparency,
Who holds that mirror
And bids us such a breast-bare spectacle see
Of you and me?

That mirror
Whose magic penetrates like a dart,
Who lifts that mirror
And throws our mind back on us, and our heart,
until we start?

That mirror
Works well in these night hours of ache;
Why in that mirror
Are tincts we never see ourselves once take
When the world is awake?

That mirror
Can test each mortal when unaware;
Yea, that strange mirror
May catch his last thoughts, whole life foul or fair,
Glassing it — where?

Copyright© 2021 – The Splendor of it all

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

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I realize this is a post that takes a bit of a different turn than my previous meanderings, but as someone who is now a mid-centurion and has grown children, I just couldn’t keep silent on this topic.

The photos above depict then and now. The photo on the left is all about children playing outdoors and enjoying themselves with something as simple as blowing bubbles, while the photo on the right shows how things are today!

This post formed a few days ago while I was sitting outside in front of my house, under my favorite maple tree just watching a few cars pass by, the occasional couple walking their dogs, and the kids.

The kids that strolled by were completely oblivious to what was going on around them. They didn’t talk to one another or even seem interested in who was walking beside them. They all had their cell phones in their faces! They almost looked like the damn things were glued to their hands and their eyes all shared the same glazed over expression.  A couple of them didn’t even bother to look for cars as they bounced off the curb into the street. Their pace and head position never changed.

How did we get here? Technology is awesome for so many things, but after witnessing the above, it’s time to take those devices seriously – This didn’t appear to be fun or engaging – it appeared to be the beginning of a mini-people zombie apocalypse.

When I was a kid…I’m sure many readers who are not of my age will say that they have heard this line from their parents way too many times, but the truth is the truth! We played outside until the street lights went on and that was our cue to be home for supper with no excuses. We played in the fields, the streams and even in the streets. We built forts, played dodge ball (I think they have outlawed this one for cruelty?), filled up water balloons and found tons of things to do that embodied the spirit of togetherness, communication and camaraderie.

My friends included all shapes, sizes and ethnicity’s. We were neighborhood kids. Everyone had something to contribute! Was there the occasional tiff or hurt feelings? Of course there was – we were little people navigating our way around the beginnings of our social patterns. Those little hiccups between us never seemed to last very long, because the important thing was we had each other. We shared complaints about how unfair our parents were and dreamed about the next new toy or gadget.

I am so sad to witness the end of the art conversation as I knew it! The emotionless world of technology is grand for research and work, but if this is the conversation of the future…texts and emoji’s  – Where does this leave us?

Blessings to you!

Copyright© 2021 – The Splendor of it all

Gratitude – giving it the attention it deserves

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I was thinking all week long about how grateful I am for sooo many blessings in my life and was wondering, how many other people are giving gratitude the attention it needs?

I have learned through these past years, that by practicing gratitude every day, my life has changed for the better. It’s more than that actually – it’s been completely transformed.

I think we can all agree that this past 15 months have been the craziest we can recall in recent history. The pandemic, social distancing, the state of the economy, businesses closing down left and right and the list goes on and on and on…Geez it’s no wonder we are all struggling to stay optimistic and upbeat.

I am been so blessed and lucky through these uncertain times. The hardest part for me has been watching friends and loved one’s suffering from illness to job loss and my heart breaks for everyone. Where we were once on even ground universally, it’s almost like the tectonic plates have heaved up and thrown everyone upside down. 

I started writing down the things I am so grateful for and encourage everyone to pull out a piece of paper and do the same. Once you have listed everything that is a blessing in your life, post it somewhere you can see it every day or have quick access too when the darkness feels as though its enveloping you – whip it out, read it and breath. 

Everyone has got to have something they are grateful for! Your family, friends, pets, garden, hobbies…it doesn’t matter what it is! The sun came up to today or you saw a beautiful moon…It can be serious or silly – just start a positive practice and stick to it. 

I hope to inspire those who read this to remember that no matter what life throws in front of us, we DO have the ability to change things for ourselves. We can take a dark moment and flip it around simply by directing our thoughts to something that makes us happy. 

Blessings to you!

Copyright© 2021 – The Splendor of it all