Awakening – THE SPLENDOR OF IT ALL

PEOPLE COME…PEOPLE GO…

Published on January 9, 2022January 9, 2022 by KCLeave a comment

Have you ever wondered what happened to those old friends, acquaintances, and even distant relatives that used to play such a huge role in your life during childhood, youth and adult hood?

I was thinking about this over the holiday season when I was going through holiday cards that I’ve collected throughout the past several years.

I generally tend to keep my holiday cards in a box. A pack rat’s mentality, I know, but as a crafty kind of gal – I’ve always found interesting and creative ways to utilize them. For instance I would clip out bits and pieces and create a collage art project, decoupage a box or even use them in my personal journal.

I always date the back of the cards when I get them, so I can remember when they were received because if I left that to my own chaotic brain aka filing cabinet, time would certainly get away from me.

Something about this year was very different from years past though. As I sifted through to prepare to send my cards out this year, I made a startling discovery – There were so many people in this pile that I no longer actually speak to or connect with in any way. It seems as if through the years the holiday card swapping had become more of a robotic ritual and that somewhere along the line, a disconnection had occurred.

I then turned to my little black book (no, nothing infamous here), just one that I have had for more years than I can recall…apparently forever adding to it, but never removing anything from it. Hmmmmm… I thought to myself as I slowly turned the pages. I of course knew the people in the book, but if I am being really honest here, will admit that many of the folks in the book inspired no emotional spark whatsoever. When did I release them from my consciousness? Obviously it was an organic self act, but I didn’t connect the dots until now.

That started a long conversation with myself about how people move in and out of our lives. I realized that many of these people contributed something to who I am today and I am certain that how I look at the world now from those shared experiences would have been quite different if they had been absent.

Taking this line of thought a bit deeper – I understand that this is how it’s meant to be. People come in and out of our lives when we most need that push to grow within. They tend to be mirrors of ourselves that we need to see in order to work through whatever it is we are meant to learn at that particular moment in time. This natural progression is amazing, once you can actually see it for what it is and not get lost in the emotional factors of those circumstances.

I have a new book now, the names are current and it’s no longer black. I wish love and light to all those from my past who shared their life energy with me and I release them.

Are there moments in your life that need to be released in order to firmly plant your feet in the present? Only through emotional release are we able to look at those emotions with an objective eye and keep what serves us and toss the rest for the universe to cleanse.

Blessings to you!

THE MIRROR

Published on December 5, 2021December 5, 2021 by KCLeave a comment

Life is an ever constant opportunity to learn. I don’t just mean the type of learning that takes us to a classroom or requires us to delve deeply into thousands of books written by others, but a type of learning that we do every single day and for most of us, we don’t even realize it, as we go about our lives doing the everyday things such as chores, jobs, and tending to our external needs etc…

Have you ever noticed how interesting it is when a situation arises that something or someone comes along and it seems familiarly uncomfortable? You recognize it from a distance or seem to connect an invisible set of dots, but have no conscious understanding of the whys or wherefores? Or maybe you do understand, but it brings about an ‘aha’ moment that is not something you want to face at that particular time, but the universe is forcing you to look into that mirror in order to teach a lesson?

I had one of these moments on Thanksgiving Day. Now that I’m an empty-nester and there is no family nearby to celebrate the holidays with, my husband and I enjoy going to a local restaurant every year for Thanksgiving dinner. This year I wasn’t in a particularly celebratory mood. It felt like a real effort to gussy up and get out of the house. When we arrived we were told that our reservation time had been noted for an earlier slot and then left forgotten for sometime by the wait staff. By the time we were seated, I was feeling quit irritable, but did my very best to suppress this feeling, as I am supposed to be happy and grateful, no matter what runaway emotions are swirling about my head.

Enter the family of 5 seated right next to us – 2 adults and 3 children with the youngest getting into a high chair and screaming at the top of his little lungs for no obvious reason. At this point I couldn’t help but make some not so nice comment under my breath to my husband, the family didn’t hear me and for this I am very glad, as I can be quit cutting with my tongue when I am completely depleted of patience.

After about 10 minutes into this energy invasion, I excused myself to go to the restroom, I had to pass this family, when all of a sudden the little girl at the table locked eyes with me and joyously announced to everyone – “Look momma isn’t she beautiful?” I swear the wind had been knocked right out of me and as I stood there processing the words of this angelic creature, with her sparkling blue eyes and perfect blond locks of hair teasing her cheeks – All I could do is kneel down to her level and whisper “I think you are beautiful too.” I smiled at her parents as I regained my composure and stood up. I slowly walked away in the direction I had originally intended all the while shaking my head in amazement. I had been truly humbled by an innocent five year old on this day set aside for giving thanks.

I have spent the last several years looking into those numerous mirrors presented to me during my awakening and I admit this one touched my very core, because we are all beautiful! We can behave in an ugly way, but when we peel back those layers and begin to discard those actions and emotions that no longer serve our higher purpose – that light is truly visible to all who have the hearts to see. That mirror then becomes less of a lesson and begins to magnify our light beacons just as our creator had intended.

Blessings to you!

FORGIVENESS

Published on November 14, 2021November 15, 2021 by KCLeave a comment

The word itself evokes numerous thoughts, feelings and often times a complete shutdown.

I understand firsthand what it means to forgive, but equally understand why some people simply cannot forgive something done to them or another close to them.

There is an invisible cloak wrapped around us all when we hang onto anger, this cloak serves to protect us, but can also smother us and keep us from reaching any type of inner peace/happiness.

I want to be very clear here, just because you forgive someone, doesn’t mean you have to forget or that you excuse the behavior that led to the action. Forgiveness is about YOU, not them. You must understand that forgiveness CAN happen even if others are unable to admit to any wrong doing. Again, it’s about your healing, not theirs. It’s about you taking back your power over you!

Forgiveness simply put, is the decision to let go of anger, resentment, and other thought forms such as sadness and confusion. These negative thoughts we associate with people or past situations in our lives can form such deep roots within, that often times we don’t even recognize that we are carrying them around, because we tend to associate them with everything going on externally and neglect to understand it really is something from within that manifests outward given enough time.

I had to take a good look in the mirror myself several years and ago and was faced with making the hard decisions about what I needed to change in my life in order to enjoy healthier relationships, feel less stress and anxiety, enjoy a body that wasn’t being beaten down all the time, and lastly, improve my overall outlook about life before all that negative energy swallowed me up – It was my ‘SNAP OUT OF IT’ moment and it was unimaginably humbling.

I had to learn that there was no way to move forward when I was being weighted down by the past. I had to convince myself that no matter what duty, responsibility, or obligation I felt toward others, I had to put myself first.

I had to give myself permission to detach from people who projected their negativity outward, because my loving heart always wanted to heal them and once I realized I could not save anyone but myself, this detachment became slightly easier. I will add that your perspective does change when you are no longer standing in an energy draining cesspool.

There are a number of ways one can begin this healing path to forgiveness and I encourage anyone who doesn’t feel able to manage this on their own, to seek out some type of support to help you navigate the emotions that will undoubtedly surface during the process.

I will share my personal experience though and say that in the beginning I had a good idea what my issues were, but I just wasn’t able to process them in a constructive way. I tried therapy for a little while, but ultimately it was my own curious nature that lead me to so many books, which I ferociously devoured one by one. No one book offered all the answers, but I was able to take bits and pieces from the many and incorporate the information into sustainable daily practices that worked for me.

In the end, it was journaling and meditation that provided the answers I needed to see further into myself. By keeping a journal for several years – I was finally able to understand my patterns – I could go back and say WOW, I’d been doing this or thinking that for a long time and apparently it wasn’t serving me in a good way. Once I saw the cycles I was stuck in for so long, I was able to navigate my way out of the darkness and into the light.

No one ever said this process of forgiveness would be easy, because nothing worth doing is, but if you consciously want to be free from all the negativity, ill health, depression, anxiety, and low self worth associated with holding onto things that no longer serve you, then find your path to a more loving way of being – I can tell you first hand – IT’S WORTH IT!

Blessings to you!

Becoming a Better Version of Myself

Published on October 26, 2021October 26, 2021 by KC3 Comments

I was having a conversation the other day with my mom, who is 79 years old this year. She said something to me that really got me thinking. She stated that one of my most endearing qualities was that throughout my entire life, no matter what was going on, I always tried to improve myself.

I have been thinking about this since she said it and looking back on my life, didn’t find that to be a quality so much, as it was just part of who I am.

I have certainly made my fair share of mistakes, side-steps, and occasional bad choices, but I do like the idea that no matter what, I did try to learn from them and through them become a better person.

Often times in our youth, especially if we have had any kind of trauma, we plow through each situation just to get to the end of it, so we can put it behind us. I personally have discovered this doesn’t always work like we pretend it does. If anything, it often felt like I may have reached the end of something, but only scooped it up and placed it in the imaginary backpack I carried for so many years! The bag no one ever saw, but weighted me down on so many levels even more than I could have ever imagined.

There are those defining moments in life, at least for me when I finally threw down that pack, turned it upside down and shook everything out, so that I could sort through it and banish once and for all what no longer served me in order to become a better version of myself.

Share your defining moments! When did you finally open up your backpack and sort through the stuff inside?

Blessings to you!

THE SEARCH

Published on October 24, 2021 by KCLeave a comment

The search to find out where we as individuals fit into the big picture is a daunting one to say the least.

You may feel unhappy or dissatisfied with your life. You may wonder what is real, what is not real about your purpose in life. Do I even have a purpose? If so, what could it possibly be?

You may be of an age where you’re looking behind you and realizing that wasn’t the life you had intended, but that’s what it is and there ya have it and now that you’re halfway through it believe whole heartedly– it’s too late.

You may be young and have your whole life in front of you and still have no clue where to even begin?

If you feel or have felt any of the above – I can tell you from personal experience, no matter what point in life you find yourself – IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!

I no longer think about life in a linear fashion. I do not believe that this gift of life is a straight line – you know the typical cradle to death scenario which has been ingrained into our psyche since the beginning.

I have previously mentioned a bit about my life, but what I have left unsaid to this point is that even in the darkest hours of my life, two things have always remained constant from a very early age; the first is that I always felt deep inside that there was something bigger than myself out there and the second, I innately knew that no matter what happened, everything was going to be ok.

These two things remained during homelessness, addiction, broken marriage, and a self-destructive nature I had no understanding of at the time.

I can also say that because of those feelings that remained constant within me, I was always trying to better myself, not to fulfill optics for others, but I was searching for something – of course I had no idea what that something was until a few years ago – I was searching for me.

Now, this is where the first five paragraphs of this post come into play. We are searching for who we are and trying desperately to understand how we fit into this tidy puzzle called life – a life defined by others.

WE DON’T FIT – EACH OF US ARE UNIQUE – SO HOW CAN WE FIT INTO A MOLD CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE – Think square peg into a round hole – Simply doesn’t work and if you force it, it will change the structures into something else.

Blessings to you!

We Are Enough!

Published on October 23, 2021 by KCLeave a comment

We are in such times, that it is more important than ever, to understand that we are enough.

I have lived my life up until a few years ago, with the feeling of never being good enough. The yard sticks by which my life had been measured, I now realize were false and absolutely ridiculous, but of course it took me nearly a lifetime to understand that those measurements were created by someone other than myself.

The programming that started for each and every one of us the moment we came into being, combined with the expectation of others, society and even our parents were always and forever their projections onto us, but were never US.

The desire to be perfect…perfect children, perfect students, perfect employees, and perfect parents didn’t do me any good at all! I finally came to understand this was all an illusion and with that of course, came the heart breaking knowledge that I had been set up for failure from the word go.

I will admit that I was one of those people who spent a good part of my early life blaming everyone else for those failures. I can say from experience, this anger, constant feeling of inadequacy, and the desire to please others, genuinely held me back from finding my true self. I felt if I pleased everyone else it would all be alright and through that mindset, lost track of my individuality.

An example of this would be blaming my father for abandoning me after my parents divorced when I was five years old. Then I blamed my mother whom I felt emotionally abandoned by, because she lived a life of illness that started in her youth and followed her relentlessly throughout her life in one form or another.

Through the years I slowly began to understand that we all have struggles, some seen and many unseen. Once I released the emotions, the distorting fog lifted and I could see things quit differently! I saw that she is the strongest person I have ever known and worked against every obstacle to keep us together, all the while making sacrifices I could never have imagined to keep me safe and instill some sense of normalcy in our otherwise, chaotic life.

When I first became aware of this life altering realization, I was overwhelmed to say the least. It took years to accept responsibility for my own thoughts, emotional reactions, and feelings. I had lived a life where my emotions ruled everything I did. Often times those out of control emotions led me to make choices a secure, emotionally mature – clear thinking person would never make.

Facing yourself and asking the question “Who am I really” opens up the opportunity to explore yourself quietly from within. What we find inside is most certainly uncomfortable, but as we grow to understand that we are enough – the veil slowly lifts and we can see, feel and explore the world in a new way.

My big take away was that while anger, frustration, and insecurity ruled my life, there was no room for love, compassion, gratitude, or forgiveness.

Please feel free to share your moments of awakening. You never know who’s life you may touch along the way.

Blessing to you!

Taking Responsibility

Published on October 19, 2021October 20, 2021 by KCLeave a comment

I have often been surprised in my life at just how few people I have met who actually take responsibility for their lives.

As I turn the corner on fifty-three years, I can look back and honestly say I have not always done so. It was always easier to blame someone else for all the miserable things that happened or the good things that never came my way.

A simple example is this: “If someone had done this or that I would have been a better person.” Or perhaps this one “If I had had different parents, I would have done something more with my life.”

No, actually it’s OUR fault we didn’t succeed! We are all born with the gift of CHOICE. We can choose to go right or left. We may not always be satisfied with the outcome, but we chose it and thereby must live with whatever consequences come from that decision. Good or Bad!

I will admit that like so many people, I too was a product of a dysfunctional home. Father left when I was five, my mother was sick and had serious addiction problems. There I said it out loud! Whew…Feels good, but I still cannot blame everything on their bad behavior.

Harsh words I know…It took me a VERY long time to accept this alternate reality. Being so much more aware now than I was twenty some odd years ago, I have to stand up and say, Yup that was all me. Once I did this, a great weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It was like a black veil had been pulled away from my face and I could now begin living the life I knew I was destined for all along.

Anyone can wake from their slumber. It just takes a certain commitment to let go. I have not spent countless hours or thousands of dollars on psychiatric care. Actually, the few times I attempted this type of therapy, they only ever wanted to write me a prescription and send me on my way. That simply wasn’t for me. However, let me be very clear here, I am in no way endorsing self medication and if you have serious problems, please seek professional help. This is my experience and I was able to come through by applying a little common sense and will-power.

I want to inspire anyone who is willing to take that leap of faith. I want to help everyone I can to regain their sense of self worth. We are all capable of so much. Most of us don’t even know it. It’s simply never too late to awaken!

Blessing to you!

Here are a couple of my favorite bits of reading material on how to release and let go.

The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle

Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping

LATE BLOOMER – The Awakening Begins

Published on October 18, 2021October 17, 2021 by KCLeave a comment

It seems kind of strange to open up and share with the world ones personal journey to enlightenment. At the tender age of 54, I feel as if my life has begun anew and the path to a higher understanding is close at hand.

I have always felt that there was something missing in my life. As the years progressed I realized that it was ‘Me’ that was missing. My very soul’s essence had been buried deep within for so long and the thought of allowing it to surface was absolutely terrifying.

If you’re like me, you’re in your early fifties and have recently discovered that you have more than likely spent a good portion of your life trying to please others. Of course, this is where the term ‘late bloomer’ comes in. In my opinion, it makes absolutely no difference whether it’s late or not. The simple fact that it arrived at all…means we’re the wiser for it.

All that knowledge we have been saving up inside, is finally ready to burst from within and hopefully, will guide us through the best years of our lives. They had better be the best years, because what I personally have left behind may have taught me a lot, but didn’t bring much joy or happiness.

It’s time to cash in on that lotto ticket folks! Watch out world…They finally let me out of my cage and I will never go back! Freedom…it’s sweet and I am forever grateful to the Universe for opening that door and allowing me to step through into the light.

OK…so that may be a little over-the-top, but it’s how I feel and hopefully you do to if you’re like me. Every single moment we have left needs to be appreciated and cherished. As I get older, I am constantly reminded by the ever increasing funeral invites I receive, that we simply don’t know when our time may come. I personally don’t want to arrive upstairs with the idea that I left something unfinished. I want to write that bucket list now and give myself a jump start at completing it.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not confusing my awakening to a mid-life crisis, quite the opposite in fact. How do I know? Because I had my life crisis when I turned thirty and found myself suddenly divorced and on my own with a three year old. That will get you every time. I just thank the God’s that I didn’t have more children when my world came crashing in. I am certain that I would have spent some serious time in the state hospital…compliments of welfare of course. So, kudos to all of you out there who manage with far less and do it without drugs or alcohol as a crutch.

This is the first day of the rest of my life and I don’t plan on wasting a single second! How about you? What can you change to make your days more manageable? I would love to hear from anyone out there about your experiences of awakening. Was it sudden or gradual? Are you able to laugh off those frustrating moments with a smile or are you stuck in frown mode? Can you find one or more things each day that makes you so grateful that you speak it out loud to yourself or even share it with someone else? Think about it…It takes more energy to be angry than it does to be happy!

Blessings to you!

Moments of Vision

Published on October 17, 2021October 17, 2021 by KCLeave a comment

The times we live in now are filled with much questioning and confusion, which offers up the perfect opportunity to take a moment to reflect on who we are, what type of people do we strive to be, and what world do we want to be a part of.

Reflection is never an easy under taking, but often times it forces us to separate the false identity from the true spirit and align one’s self to a deeper reality within.

Moments Of Vision

by Thomas Hardy

That mirror
Which makes of men a transparency,
Who holds that mirror
And bids us such a breast-bare spectacle see
Of you and me?

That mirror
Whose magic penetrates like a dart,
Who lifts that mirror
And throws our mind back on us, and our heart,
until we start?

That mirror
Works well in these night hours of ache;
Why in that mirror
Are tincts we never see ourselves once take
When the world is awake?

That mirror
Can test each mortal when unaware;
Yea, that strange mirror
May catch his last thoughts, whole life foul or fair,
Glassing it — where?